Tag: mental illness

Photograph of a male hysteric in the arc-de-cercle pose from the Bibliothèque Charcot, Paris, illustrated in Christopher G. Goetz, Michel Bonduelle and Toby Gelfand, Charcot: Constructing Neurology , Oxford, 1996, 204, figure 6-6b. 

vs

Auguste Rodin, Kneeling Man (Hommeà genoux). Glass plate,dimensions unknown. Paris:Musée Rodin 

descriptions of dissociation

themostradicalthing:

theneurotypicals:

Depersonalisation

Common: ‘I felt strange / weird’, ‘I felt as if I was floating away’, ‘I felt disembodied / disconnected / detached / far away from myself’, ‘apart from everything’, ‘in a place of my own / alone’, ‘like I was there but not there’, ’I could see and hear everything but couldn’t respond’

Less Common: ‘puppet-like’, ‘robot-like’, ‘acting a part’, ‘I couldn’t feel any pain’ ‘like I was made of cardboard’,  ‘I felt like I was just a head stuck on a body’, ‘like a spectator looking at myself on TV’, ‘an out of body experience’, ‘my hands or feet felt smaller / bigger’. ‘when I touched things it didn’t feel like me touching them’

Derealisation

‘My surroundings seemed unreal / far away’, ‘I felt spaced out’, ‘It was like looking at the world through a veil or glass’, ‘I felt cut off or distant from the immediate surroundings’, ‘objects appeared diminished in size /  flat / dream-like / cartoon like / artificial / unsolid’

Other dissociative symptoms 

Memory: “I drove the car home/got dressed/had dinner but can’t remember
anything about it”, “I don’t know who I am or how I got here” (fugue state), “I
remember things but it doesn’t feel like it was me that was there”. 

Identity: “I feel like I’m two separate people/someone else”. 

Other: “I felt like time was passing incredibly slowly/quickly”, “I get so absorbed
in fantasy/a TV programme that it seems real”, “I felt an emptiness in my head
as if I was not having any thoughts at all”. 

Source: Jon Ston. Dissociation: What Is It and Why Is It Important? Practical Neurology, 2006; 6: 308-313.

This is seriously something all psychiatric students/professionals/diagnosticians need to read.

There are not enough dissociation-specific “layman’s” words and phrases to highlight what folks with dissociative disorders (or other conditions with marked dissociation) go through.

All we have are these vague sounding terms like the above. So often they’re ignored/belittled, when instead they should be taken seriously and taken as indications to investigate the possibility of dissociation further.

If I had this sort of vocabulary I wouldn’t have spent 8 mystified years referring to how I spent a huge chunk of my waking life as “that feeling that there isn’t a word for” or  “the water running out of the bathtub feeling”

It is more onerous
than the rites of beauty
or housework, harder than love.
But you expect it of me casually,
the way you expect the sun
to come up, not in spite of rain
or clouds but because of them.

And so I smile, as if my own fidelity
to sadness were a hidden vice—
that downward tug on my mouth,
my old suspicion that health
and love are brief irrelevancies,
no more than laughter in the warm dark
strangled at dawn.

Happiness. I try to hoist it
on my narrow shoulders again—
a knapsack heavy with gold coins.
I stumble around the house,
bump into things.
Only Midas himself
would understand.

Linda Pastan, “The Obligation to be Happy” from Carnival Evening: New and Selected Poems 1968-1998, published by  W. W. Norton & Company, Inc.  Copyright © 1998 by Linda Pastan.