
from “Variations on the Right to Remain Silent” by Anne Carson
from A Public Space, Issue 7 / 2008
full text here

from “Variations on the Right to Remain Silent” by Anne Carson
from A Public Space, Issue 7 / 2008
full text here
“Anger had snatched my pencil while I dreamt. But what was anger doing there? Interest, confusion, amusement, boredom—all these emotions I could trace and name as they succeeded each other throughout the morning. Had anger, the black snake, been lurking among them? Yes, said the sketch, anger had. It referred me unmistakably to the one book, to the one phrase, which had roused the demon; it was the professor’s statement about the mental, moral and physical inferiority of women. My heart had leapt. My cheeks had burnt. I had flushed with anger. There was nothing specially remarkable, however foolish, in that. One does not like to be told that one is naturally the inferior of a little man—I looked at the student next me—who breathes hard, wears a ready-made tie, and has not shaved this fortnight. One has certain foolish vanities. It is only human nature, I reflected, and began drawing cartwheels and circles over the angry professor’s face till he looked like a burning bush or a flaming comet—anyhow, an apparition without human semblance or significance. The professor was nothing now but a faggot burning on the top of Hampstead Heath. Soon my own anger was explained and done with; but curiosity remained. How explain the anger of the professors? Why were they angry? For when it came to analysing the impression left by these books there was always an element of heat. This heat took many forms; it showed itself in satire, in sentiment, in curiosity, in reprobation. But there was another element which was often present and could not immediately be identified. Anger, I called it. But it was anger that had gone underground and mixed itself with all kinds of other emotions. To judge from its odd effects, it was anger disguised and complex, not anger simple and open.
Whatever the reason, all these books, I thought, surveying the pile on the desk, are worthless for my purposes. They were worthless scientifically, that is to say, though humanly they were full of instruction, interest, boredom, and very queer facts about the habits of the Fiji Islanders. They had been written in the red light of emotion and not in the white light of truth. Therefore they must be returned to the central desk and restored each to his own cell in the enormous honeycomb. All that I had retrieved from that morning’s work had been the one fact of anger. The professors—I lumped them together thus—were angry. But why, I asked myself, having returned the books, Why, I repeated, standing under the colonnade among the pigeons and the prehistoric canoes, why are they angry? And, asking myself this question, I strolled off to find a place for luncheon. What is the real nature of What I call for the moment their anger? I asked. Here was a puzzle that would last all the time that it takes to be served with food in a small restaurant somewhere near the British Museum. Some previous luncher had left the lunch edition of the evening paper on a chair, and, waiting to be served, I began idly reading the headlines. A ribbon of very large letters ran across the page. Somebody had made a big score in South Africa. Lesser ribbons announced that Sir Austen Chamberlain was at Geneva. A meat axe with human hair on it had been found in a cellar. Mr justice —— commented in the Divorce Courts upon the Shamelessness of Women. Sprinkled about the paper were other pieces of news. A film actress had been lowered from a peak in California and hung suspended in mid-air. The weather was going to be foggy. The most transient visitor to this planet, I thought, who picked up this paper could not fail to be aware, even from this scattered testimony, that England is under the rule of a patriarchy. Nobody in their senses could fail to detect the dominance of the professor. His was the power and the money and the influence. He was the proprietor of the paper and its editor and sub-editor. He was the Foreign Secretary and the judge. He was the cricketer; he owned the racehorses and the yachts. He Was the director of the company that pays two hundred per cent to its shareholders. He left millions to charities and colleges that were ruled by himself. He suspended the film actress in mid-air. He will decide if the hair on the meat axe is human; he it is who will acquit or convict the murderer, and hang him, or let him go free. With the exception of the fog he seemed to control everything. Yet he was angry. I knew that he was angry by this token. When I read what he wrote about women—I thought, not of what he was saying, but of himself. When an arguer argues dispassionately he thinks only of the argument; and the reader cannot help thinking of the argument too. If he had written dispassionately about women, had used indisputable proofs to establish his argument and had shown no trace of wishing that the result should be one thing rather than another, one would not have been angry either. One would have accepted the fact, as one accepts the fact that a pea is green or a canary yellow. So be it, I should have said. But I had been angry because he was angry. Yet it seemed absurd, I thought, turning over the evening paper, that a man with all this power should be angry. Or is anger, I wondered, somehow, the familiar, the attendant sprite on power? Rich people, for example, are often angry because they suspect that the poor want to seize their wealth. The professors, or patriarchs, as it might be more accurate to call them, might be angry for that reason partly, but partly for one that lies a little less obviously on the surface. Possibly they were not ‘angry’ at all; often, indeed, they were admiring, devoted, exemplary in the relations of private life. Possibly when the professor insisted a little too emphatically upon the inferiority of women, he was concerned not with their inferiority, but with his own superiority”
Romance as means of redemption is the worst kind of Western medicine, but an obsession with personal transformation is an even more American tendency, or at least it is mine. In the last couple years it became a more interesting challenge to be “good” than bad. I started living alone, vacuuming my apartment weekly, saving parmesan rinds for soup, calling to negotiate better rates for utilities. I became a better cook and friend, especially to myself. These specific tasks are not meant to demonstrate adulthood, the inane fantasy of the unrigorous that there is a finite level—based often on what you can afford to own and what that implies—at which no further acquisition of skills or growth is necessary. Rather, it’s to illustrate that I now live my life in a way that suggests I care to be in it. Naturally that desire transfers to other tasks, practices, and ways of relating––what I mean is that it transfers to love.
“Every Long Letter Is A Love Letter” by Lucy Morris
I understand how this sounds, but I do not remember always being so aware that love involved another person. The people I’m referring to were, in large part, unconscious instruments for my own development. I still stressed out plenty over the contents of their minds, very quickly forgetting my own. But I was not consistently so interested, maybe, in the real mechanisms of those minds except in so far as they fulfilled or denied my desires, and I understand how that sounds, too.
The total fulfillment of desires is our primary cultural expectation for relationships, which is a problem given that our desires are often vague, confused, ever changing. I didn’t until recently comprehend that a genuine interest in another person’s mind necessitates interest in the parts that may occasionally run counter to your own desires. This feels a fuller way of knowing someone, more exciting, and hard, too, though curiously with much less of the anxiety that romantic narcissism brought. To empathize with a person’s perspective is, among other things, a relief in that it takes you out of your own.
Some time ago my best friend shrugged at me over video chat and this has stuck in my mind with the traction of both revelation and agreement: “Seems interesting to explore what it’s like to grow along with someone else,” she said. The emphasis is mine, I believe.
Almost exactly five years ago I described a burgeoning relationship to Cat as “like when a tornado meets a volcano,” and I thought I was being clever, not just true. She wrote me, recently arrived in China, “Just get here,” and I was grateful to comply. But in those days, making bad decisions provided a brand of certainty: they ensured a failure rate of 100%, a statistic whose fullness at least invited admiration. Being “bad” was a good thing then. Men liked it when you said you weren’t “good at relationships” (as though relationships are a monolith) or “great at monogamy” (when the only real measure is “capable” or “not”). To insist on a low bar was to gain the upper hand, and the idea was you couldn’t be blamed for things later, though that’s never how it worked out. The secret hope was that not showing investment could prevent it; invariably it did not.
I’ve been spending a longer period than advisable at my mom’s house, waiting for my visa to be processed and for tourist season to end in a beautiful city in a messy country across the world. It was inevitable that I would regress, but the part that most alarmed me was the romantic regression: the anxieties that suddenly returned, the uncertainty, the sureness that it was all hanging by a thread and I was powerless to stop it. Powerlessness cultivates awkwardness, excessive sensitivity, self-obsession that erases all the quality aspects of interest in another mind—you start to see in it only what assuages or exacerbates your worry, not its many other dimensions. I could see it happening and yet not prevent it
—“Every Long Letter Is A Love Letter” by Lucy Morris
Plainly, I loved the sentence as a unit: the beginning of a preoccupation with syntax. Those who love syntax less find in it the stultifying air of the academy: it is, after all, a language of rules, of order. Its opposite is music, that quality of language which is felt to persist in the absence of rule. One possible idea behind such preferences is the fantasy of the poet as renegade, as the lawless outsider. It seems to me that the idea of lawlessness is a romance, and romance is what I most struggle to be free of.
The world is complete without us. Intolerable fact. To which the poet responds by rebelling, wanting to prove otherwise. Out of wounded vanity or stubborn pride or desolate need, the poet lives in chronic dispute with fact, and an astonishment occurs: another fact is created, like a new element, in partial contradiction of the intolerable.
Louise Gluck from “Against Sincerity” in Proofs & Theories
text: FAITH by WILLIAM LESSARD
The deft skirting of despair is a life lived on the surface, intimidated by depth, a life that refuses to be used by time, which it tries instead to dominate or evade. … In its horror of passivity, it forgets that passivity over time is, by definition, active. There exists, in other words, a form of action felt as helplessness, a form of will that exhibits, on the surface, none of the familiar dynamic properties of will. Fortitude is will.